Posted by Photo Credits: PBS
This was a show I found during quarantine. And of course, people have been RAVING about Downton Abbey for years so I finally dug in and watched it. I watched all six seasons within two weeks. I LOVED it. Now that the second film is arriving in 2022, I wanted to make sure I saw the first film from 2019. So I decided to watch the series all over again so I am now in full on Downton mode to watch the film.
Watching the series the second time around, I was really struck by certain relationships in the show…both the good and the bad. You see what I love most about Downton Abbey is not the plot but the people. Don’t get me wrong, I love the storylines they tackle but, they don’t stand a chance without these characters to see those storylines through. I care so deeply about the characters and how they connect. It’s what makes shows like this having staying power. I want to know how baby boy Bates is doing and how Anna and Mr. Bates are tackling parenthood with their rigorous jobs. Does Thomas Barrow really change and find happiness at Downton? How is the business Tom and Henry started faring and how are Mary and Tom doing running the estate? Is Teo still chewing on the side of her basket? Does Carson still love a tight fitting corner and expect Mrs. Hughes to heighten their standards? I must know all of these things!!! And the reason I care so much, is because I’m psychotic. But it’s also because Jullian Fellows and the cast of Downton Abbey have created such a complex and beautiful medley of personalities interwoven with the progressive advances of the 1920s that you want to see them over and over again. It’s the characters and the relationships they have formed that are the backbone of this glorious series.
So without further adieu, here is my list of the Top 15 relationships on Downton Abbey. Now just because I said relationships doesn’t mean I’m talking about romantic pairings. Just to be clear before you throw crumpets at me.
Number 15 – Robert and Isis
Maybe because I have labs ( and I had a very special yellow lab), I am a sucker for a man and his dog. This very sweet relationship really hit home in Season Five, Episode Seven when we see Isis is slowing down and we find out she has cancer. Robert had to deal with the terrible decision all dogs owners face on whether to put Isis down or let nature take its course. Robert decided he couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he brought Isis home to be with her family. On her last night, Robert was going to sleep with her in his room so she wouldn’t be alone when Cora insisted they all spend the night together…which would end up being Isis’s last night with us. It was a touching and beautiful way to wrap up Isis’s story without going full on Marley & Me on us.
Number 14 – Tom/Mary/Edith
Everyone loved Sybil. None more than her husband Tom and her sisters. This was not a family Tom would have ever seen himself aligning with if not for the fiery and head strong Lady Sybil that he fell head over heels in love with. So it wouldn’t surprise anyone if Tom decided to pack up his stuff, grab Sybbie, and head for Dublin. But he didn’t. He stayed to help Matthew and Robert with the estate and grew to have his own special bonds with the Crawley family. Especially with Mary and Edith. He really became a true brother to them complete with listening to their problems and giving them a dose of reality when they needed it. He was their shoulder to cry on and their best friend and advisor. Likewise, Mary and Edith were Tom’s greatest champions among the family and the community. There were many who wanted to make Tom feel bad for straying from his socialist roots (I’m looking at you Sarah Bunting and Edna Braithwaite.). But he never did. Tom did what all humans should do as they get older….he learned and evolved. Tom is still who he always was but became more open minded and balanced as the show progressed. That should be celebrated not critiqued, and Mary and Edith always reminded him of that and pushed him to be who he is and never feel bad.
Number 13 – O’Brien and Barrow
I didn’t say the relationships were necessarily the nicest ones but this was a strong one…at least for a time. I never understood how they were able to keep their jobs for as long as they did. Especially under the likes of Charles Carson. They were rude, scheming, and nasty. They also caused unnecessary chaos that impacted the members of the Crawley family both directly and indirectly. I could never understand how Carson continually allowed that to happen under his watch. Nevertheless, it did make for some gut-wrenching moments (like tripping Bates and getting him fired) including the worst of all, O’Brien kicking the soap in Cora’s path causing her to fall and lose her baby. But the thing I love about Downton Abbey, the bad guys and gals never win in the end. They get away with it for a while, but they never triumph. What I also love is the evolution main characters take. O’Brien was never the same after what she did to Cora and changed her ways ( as much as she could) to make herself a better person. She, of course, has this growth sooner than Barrow and it’s what causes the rift between them. Barrow’s growth was a much longer and more painful one to watch. But in the end he also came a long way from the first moments we meet him. But until these two got to those points, they were a force to be reckoned with.
Number 12 – Molesley and Baxter
I loved these two. I loved the friendship they shared and bond they created. For some people when the series ended, they thought of them as a couple. If they became romantically involved, that would be fine. But I like showing a man and woman being extremely close friends without it turning into something more. I appreciated how much she supported his dreams of being a teacher and giving him the confidence to do it when he didn’t have it in himself. He was also there to support her in dealing with her troubled past and learning how to move on from it. They are both sweet and caring and I hope I get to see them in both movies!
Number 11 – Daisy and Mrs. Patmore
This is probably one of the most interesting relationships on the show in terms of where they started, where they ended up, and everything in the middle. For me, I started out really not liking Mrs. Patmore and her treatment of Daisy and by the end, I loved Mrs. Patmore and couldn’t stand Daisy. In the beginning, Mrs. Patmore was horrible to Daisy…blaming Daisy for her mistakes and taking credit for Daisy’s good work. I couldn’t figure out why Daisy would stay in a place where someone verbally abused her day in and day out. But then Mrs. Patmore had issues with her vision and Daisy was very supportive and there to help her out. Slowly this relationship transitioned from mentor/mentee to surrogate mother/daughter. There was a beautiful respect and fondness they had for each other, even though Daisy became a bit of an ungrateful brat towards the end of the series.
Number 10 – Cora and Robert, the Earl and Countess of Grantham
It’s so nice to see a healthy, mature marriage between two people who still adore and admire each other. Yes, Robert had that brief “mid life crisis moment” with Jane the maid. But I can forgive and forget that little incident and remember that, save for that one moment, Robert was loyal and supportive of his wife. And she always had his back as he did his very best to keep the integrity of Downton afloat (especially since it was her money keeping it afloat.) They had that very rough patch after Sybil died, when she blamed Robert for her death. But that was a mother’s grief talking and God Bless and the Dowager Countess and Dr Clarkson for getting these two back on track.
Number 9 – Carson and Lady Mary
What a special bond Mary and Carson shared. Mary has a very hormonal personality. She can be incredibly gracious and sweet (especially with Anna) but then she can cut you with a dull soup spoon faster than you can see “tea please!” But in Carson’s eyes, she was the epitome of perfection. He also was someone that Mary felt she could be vulnerable with. While Mary always felt she had to be strong and together around her father, it was Carson that was her personal confidante and was there for her when she needed to be weak and teary. Likewise, she was always concerned for Carson’s happiness and health. She looked at him as a member of the family and never made him to feel a servant who worked for her family. Mary wasn’t always kind to people, but she would never be anything but lovely to Carson.
Number 8 – Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore
Another example of mutual respect and admiration, the friendship between Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore was beautiful to watch and at times, laugh out loud funny. One of my favorite Hughes/Patmore moments is when Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson are getting married but Mrs Hughes is worried at her age about making it a “true marriage.” So she asks Mrs Patmore to talk to Mr Carson about it. None of them, ever, in all the conversations say directly, “You know she’s worried she’s a little past her prime for sex. How are you feeling about that? Do you want sex or are you fine just being very close buddies?” The beating around the bush and the royally uncomfortable conversation Mrs Patmore has with Mr Carson is hilarious. Imagine putting your best friend in that position? But it didn’t matter. These ladies will always be there for whatever the other needs.
Number 7 – Anna and Lady Mary
The thing that really hit me re-watching this series is that Mary, Edith, and Sybil don’t have any friends. They have each other. They have rivals for marital bliss. But they don’t have any real friends. That’s what makes the relationship between Anna and Mary so special. Anna is truly her best friend. How sad is that? All the money, privilege, schools, cotillions, and parties and not a single friend except for your lady’s maid. But it shows you that at the end of the day, class and status don’t matter when you find a contemporary you can trust and let your guard down around. Anna was that for Mary. She shared things with Anna she didn’t with anyone else. She trusted her more than her own family. In return, she was more loving to Anna than either of her sisters. And even though Anna always tried to keep their relationship professional, even her walls came down and felt more comfortable opening up to Mary and being honest with her when she asked for it. Because she also realized there was a trust (especially after Mary helped her with her rape) that she also didn’t have with many people. It was one of my favorite friendships to watch bloom over 6 seasons.
Number 6 – Mary and Edith
We go from loving warmth between Mary and Anna to bitterness and venom between Mary and Edith. I’m sure there are times the Israelis and the Palestinians are nicer to each other than Mary and Edith. Wow! But it’s also what made this one of the most fascinating relationships to watch. We’ll never know who started this war (my money is on Mary) but by the time we meet Mary and Edith, they are undercutting each other with snide comments and passive aggressive conversations. At times it got really nasty with Edith sending a letter to the Turkish embassy about Mary’s role in the death of Mr Pamuk and with Mary sabotaging Edith’s engagement to Bertie Pelham with the news about Marigold. At other times, they were somewhat kind to each other….after Sybil died, after Matthew died, when Strallan left Edith at the alter, and when Mary helped Edith get Bertie back and finally got married. In the end, they both agreed that while very different in personality and spirit, they are still sisters and need to be there for each other when it counts.
Number 5 – Lady Sybil and Tom Branson
Depending on who you speak with, the next five on this list could all easily be number one. These five were the hardest to rank because I loved them all dearly but someone has to be number five, and it’s Sybil and Tom. I adored the head strong, opinionated, fiery Branson paired with the head strong, opinionated, fiery Lady Sybil. While Sybil grew up with privilege and opportunity, she was terribly sheltered. She craved for more. To be more, to do more. Enter Tom Branson that opened up an exciting and dangerous world of politics and lobbying. Sybil and Tom were both desperate to make the world a better place and to have oppressed people be able to have a voice and their freedom. They were a magical pairing that was way too tragically clipped with Sybil dying after giving birth to Sybbie. As we see throughout the series, Tom never moves on from that loss. But Sybil is with him everyday and her legacy lives on through Tom and Sybbie.
Number 4 – Carson and Mrs. Hughes
Admit it. You were pulling for these crazy cats from the very beginning, weren’t you? If adorableness were ranked 1-20, these two were 50. I love watching a love story develop where the characters don’t know it’s coming, but we see it coming a mile away. A rock solid friendship based on mutual respect, admiration, and discipline, along with a true and genuine love for the family and their work, Carson and Mrs. Hughes could not have been more suited for each other. And what I love about Julian Fellows’s writing, is that he showed that even though you have been in a relationship for 20 some years (albeit only a friendship for most of it) and love each other tremendously, once you’re married, it’s not smooth sailing. After all, Carson and Mrs Hughes have lived in a house where, even though they are servants, they are at the top of the servant food chain and have beautiful meals cooked for them, and cordials to drink, and maids to clean up their rooms. So Carson has standards he has grown used to having and Mrs Hughes is now expected to keep those standards going. Of course they find their way through it. The hysterical way Carson has to do all of the chores, when Elsie hurt her hand, and giving him a new appreciation for just how hard it is to run a house when it’s your house, is just what Dr Clarkson ordered to give him the perspective he needed. And to give Elsie a good laugh! I can’t wait to see how they have progressed in the movie!
Number 3 – Anna and Mr. Bates
The two nicest people at Downton Abbey were also the two most put through the ringer. If it were anyone else, it may have destroyed them. Not Anna and John Bates. It was love at first sight…for me with these two characters. More importantly, it was love at first sight for Anna and Bates. Sweet, smart, and good-natured, Anna and Bates were in many ways the heart and soul of the show. But did Fellows really have to crush them as much as he did? Let’s see what they had to endure during six seasons…the unwarranted wrath of O’Brien and Barrow, the pain of Bates trying to heal his leg, Bates being framed for murder by his vile ex-wife Vera, Anna being raped, Anna going to jail for murdering her rapist (she didn’t), and dealing with Anna having several miscarriages before finally carrying their baby boy to term. Good grief. I mean how much can two people take? Apparently, a lot because while Anna and Bates’s road was difficult, it made them stronger and more dedicated to each other then even they thought possible. As I mentioned in the beginning, while there are a lot of rough roads to manage, good (and good people) triumphs in the end. Thankfully, that was the case for Anna and Bates. Because if it didn’t, Fellows would have had a lot of angry fans to deal with!
Number 2 – Mary and Matthew Crawley
Raise your hand if you’re still mad Matthew died? Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m still not over it either. And even though we all knew Mary would move on, and the show did a splendid pairing with Matthew Goode’s Henry Talbot, no one can compete with Matthew and Mary’s love for each other. Rivals at first that turned into unrequited love on both sides for a time, Matthew and Mary’s bond could never be broken. The intensity of their passion, devotion, and grit is what made them the perfect match for one another. But more so for Mary. Mary Crawley is one of the greatest TV characters ever written or performed. We could spend days counting the layers of Lady Mary. And while many characters only got the side of Mary she wanted you to see, Matthew was able to break down her wall and be able to see the whole picture. And not only see it, but make her feel comfortable in revealing all of herself to him and celebrating the good, the bad, the ugly that is Mary Crawley. No one was able to do that other than Matthew. And no one championed Matthew more than Mary. They were the perfect match.
And Finally, My Number 1 Downton Abbey Relationship Is……
Violet Crawley, The Dowager Countess and Isobel Crawley Grey, The Baroness Merton
One of my all time favorite TV relationships. I love seeing strong, intelligent women who have the backbone of a T-Rex. What made this relationship so incredible was the gradual evolution of it and these two women supporting each other, even when the other didn’t realize it was happening. Whether it was Isobel staying all day and night with Violet when she was sick with Bronchitis or Violet laying down the law with Lord Merton’s daughter in law so Isobel could free Lord Merton from them and they could have a life together, these BFFs would never let anyone hurt them. It’s also what I loved most about them individually that also made their relationship so amazing to watch. Violet is fraught with tradition while Isobel is extremely progressive. Violet sees the beauty and righteousness of maintaining who the Crowley’s are and the state of Downton for the betterment of the community while Isobel sees the beauty and righteousness of evolution, open minded thought, and challenging the status quo. Both women are right. And to see them debate each other and one up each other with most conversations is such joy, I could watch an entire show of just Violet and Isobel.
At first I thought, these are two women who will never get along and this will be another show that depicts strong women at war with one another instead of finding a way to respect the differences and admire their fortitude in their beliefs. But Fellows surprised me by showing how the walls came down and how in many ways, Violet and Isobel’s walls only came down around each other. Very similar to Mary with Matthew. I think two of the most beautiful moments of realization on what the other meant to her was when Violet was told by Dr Clarkson how Isobel wouldn’t leave her side (day or night) when she was sick and when Violet told Robert she was only upset about Isobel marrying Merton because she had grown accustomed to having a companion around that should would no longer have. And while Isobel didn’t agree with how the Countess’s thoughts always seemed to be dated, when she learned her true meaning behind WHY she fought so hard at times, she certainly understood it. You see it when they argue over the rights to manage the hospital. Isobel thought it was a control issue but for Violet it was about protecting the people of the community thinking outsiders would not care about the people the way Dr Clarkson (a local) would. As these women learned more and more about the other, they became closer and closer and formed a bond no one could ever break. Sometimes, the best relationships are the one’s you don’t see coming, but never knew how desperately you needed it….that is the story of Violet and Isobel.
Honorable Mentions: (in no particular order)
- Robert and Tom
- Rosamund and Edith
- Mary and Henry Talbot
- Edith and Bertie
- Master George and Thomas Barrow
- Rose and Atticus
- Isobel and Lord Merton
- Rose and Jack Ross
- Mary and Evelyn Napier
- Anna and Gwen
- Sybil and Gwen
- The Dowager Countess and Martha Levinson
- Daisy and Mr Mason
All I Do Is Stream 